Too much crew and not enough boat!                  By Claudia Kondracky
	If you've kept up with this column you know how to get on a boat. This article is for 'upper' management on how to get these jerks off your boat.  The simple honest way to dump crew is to pawn them off on another boat. Pretend that you can't do without them and let the captain of the other boat beg. There's no hard feelings and you owe the new captain a beer. With your more clever crew you will need to put more time and thought into this process. I'll try to give you direction to get rid of any crew with specific position ways. Let's work our way from the bow to the stern. First the bow. In this position the crew need to be light and strong. Try over feeding them and then complaining about their weight. You can also make them feel weaker by having the middle of the boat not help them out quite so much. Moist spinnakers work well too. The middle of the boat has it's own set of problems. Here you need brute force and not too much brights. Try switching from imported beer to domestic. You of course will still having the imported beer for yourself and respected crew. While they're on the rail, don't feather for the waves and always ask why their are complaining. Running a couple of halyards up the mast more often will help here too. Make sure you're on the halyard letting them down. Get them about two inches from the deck and make 'em dance! It's a great way to let the others blow off steam too. They can always get a jib in quick so don't worry about telling that too often. Before I get to the back of the boat, let's look at the hanger on. You know, we call them rail meat or movable ballast. Just telling them the wrong dock time will usually work. It not, sending them down below once to often will. Have them repack a chute or get you another imported beer. Abroad our boat, we rotate sandwiches. Having the vegan bring her famous tofu on a stick with lite dipping sauce will make you wish for Wendy's finger chili. Have the targeted crew bring something for the crew that's low carb, high protein, weight watchers and south beach friendly, with no nuts, soy or wheat and free range. Beef jerky will work if it's rectum free.    The back of the boat has it's own set of problems and a new set of rules to lose these people. Giving the navigator the GPS coordinates to where the boat is will work. It's usually just luck that he or she came get you around the course anyway. If you have a driver, make sure you give him enough input. They really like that. Be careful getting rid of a tactician, they're wound pretty tightly and may exploded. You may just want to replace them while they are still there. Make sure the new tactician is louder.