All my wittiest stuff!
	Every year people try to come up with New Year's Resolutions. They often don't work or don't last. Because I am perfect in every way, I thought I would let you into my road to enlightenment. Don't take people writing tools. And don't go nuts if they walk off with yours, unless, of course, it's the one that can write upside down and in the water as well as in space. Granted I haven't found paper that can be written on underwater and every time I go to space, I forget the pen. Don't make faces at the Commodore of ECSA when your brother is giving his report. It's hard to explain to your brother why he cracks up the commodore with his report and keep a straight face. Remember to listen and write down directions all the way to the end. It's important to know the last few turns even when you're bored and think you know how to get there. Never add either viagra or laxatives to brownies you give away. Sometime you hand the wrong package over and then the fun begins. If you can't remember the punch line to a joke, don't tell it. If you need to lose weight, don't tell anyone. They'll look at you like a felon if you eat a cookie. My guide for losing weight is to get everyone around me to gain 5 pounds. Don't buy foul weather gear. People will then expect you to go out in foul weather. Don't think you are superior when you see typo's in books. But let's face it, these words should never be misspelled: Till when you mean 'til and alot is two words. And if you mean that you couldn't care less about a subject it is "I couldn't care less" NOT I could care less. Also you feel well, only Marvin Gay can feel good. Never call your ex-boyfriend an ass after you get off the phone with him. It's hard to unteach your parrot. If you don't know something, say you don't know. The guy who asked you doesn't know either. If you've been sailing for years you will have great stories to tell. Listen to others, they have great storeis too even though the waves were bigger and the wind was stronger for yours. DON'T WRITE EVERYTHING IN CAPITALS AND USE A LOTOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I make my point here??????????? Remember too, world peace begins with the person next to you. Happy New Year to all and I hope my past New Year's Resolutions will bring you closer to perfection!