HOW TO RUN A GREAT RACE by Claudia Kondracky ECSS
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			How to run a great race. Cancel race if it's too cold Cancel race when you run out of beer Never watch the start, let the boats figure out who's is over and barging Throw in a couple of extra signals, it keeps the racers on their toes Postpone race until beer is aboard Postpone race until beer is cold Cancel race if anything starts to drift or sink Never communicate over the radio with racers, show them who's boss Make the pin end heavily favored, you don't need to hear them yelling Arbitrarily put up the Blackflag, keeps pesky boats off the line Cancel race if committee boat gets hit Cancel race if sun block or bug spray run out Once in a while, don't use blanks in the gun Cancel race if the boat's head is not in perfect working order Shave seconds off any boat's time who gave you baked goods If any boat asks about the course, stare at them like they're from outer space Cancel race if it starts to rain Cancel race if anyone protests anything If you set the course wrong, make them do it anyway, they'll stop thinking 'in the box' Never tell the finished boats that that was the last race of the day, you don't want to be the last for the party. Disregard any weather reports, you know better then those weathermen Send them to E with the tide against them and in light air, they'll appreciate you even more Power through the fleet on the way in, towing just wastes valuable gas Add 90 minutes to anyones elapsed time who called Claudia for a BIRW PHRF,      thanks Ted! By the way, you do need a stinking PHRF Don't forget to thank the racers, they made this drinking binge possible